Today's featured shit

Don’t forget to read the 2009 version. You can read the original version of this on the author’s site. All right, let’s get this column punched out. A couple nights ago I was up past 1 a.m. proving to myself that the Steelers have clinched their strength-of-victory tiebreakers against the Jaguars and Chargers—so you won’t [...]

I’m a fan of the T’Wolves because, when one of their players makes both free throws when he’s at the line at the Target Center, they play the coin sound effect from the original Super Mario Bros. Well, guess what they do in Cleveland when the visiting team misses both free throws. That’s right, they [...]

2009 Viewers’ Guide and 22nd Annual Playoff Charts for games played January 3, 2010 All Times Eastern Pittsburgh Steelers at Miami Dolphins, Sunday 1:00 (CBS). You may have heard how desperately complicated the AFC tiebreakers are this year. I’ve seen worse. At first, I too thought they were complicated—but I was overthinking it. Here’s how [...]

If you would like to see the 2008 version, it is here: http://joelshitshow.com/2008/12/17/for-nfl-fans-2/ Welcome back to what Andy Williams and I call the most wonderful time of the year. One nice thing about a 45-12 game on Monday night is that my tiebreaker charts got done early. I didn’t have to wait around to see [...]

I am watching the Atlanta Braves and St. Louis Cardinals play on the Fox Game of the Week. I have to. Fox does not let other baseball games that start at the same time be aired, so it’s this or college football. That’s like choosing between apples and eggplants. And it hasn’t been all bad. [...]

Yes, Family Circus is finally relevant. In the Sunday comics tomorrow, the 19 July 2009 edition will show the kids, Barfy and Sam lose interest in Daddy’s storytelling to go watch TV. But they’re not just watching any show. If you look carefully, you will see that they are in fact watching The Simpsons. Considering [...]

They read the legal copy saying how the game could not be broadcast without the express written consent etc. After they finished, one of them says if you want an explanation of what that means, “press the SAP button on your remote.” That kind of joke is funny once. I’ve never thought of the gag, [...]

So first Matt Vasgersian insults baseball fans by saying, “if you’re scoring the game at home, you need a new hobby.” And then either Joe Magrane or Mitch Williams started discussing the education level of people that keep score of ballgames they watch on TV when they talked about a GED. One of them asks [...]

I posted this on a private message board and thought I might as well put it here, because it’s a rare time that I have an unaltered writing sample. (People can look at my music reviews and think that’s how I always write. It’s just the way KSCU wants them!) Well, let’s not scare him [...]