Today's featured shit

The phone rang.

I hadn’t heard anything because the matter had been escalated. And it’s all bad. Almost as bad as it could get.

What I mean by that is that I still have a job. At the same pay. Doing the same thing. Other than that, it pretty much went about as badly as it can get.

Why can I not just be left the fuck alone so I can do my job? Is that too much to ask?

I have a cluttered cube. It should surprise no one. Most of the decorations are years old. I am just not really into this sort of thing like I used to be, but if I took them down, I’d have to put them somewhere, and “away” is too abstract of a concept for me. I need to know where “away” is, and I don’t have a clue how to figure that out. So on the wall it stays.

This becomes a bigger issue when we have site cleanup days, because you’d think there’d be a lot of shit to throw away or recycle, but there really isn’t. The level of eyesore-ocity has been pretty level during the past few years, so it’s pretty much just a white trash kind of thing. Hey, if I am going to slum it anywhere, it might as well be at work, especially considering my boss is 3,500 miles away.

The facilities guy in this building is a bit of a dimbulb. He must be 20 years older than me, and he acts as if he is 20 years younger than me. He’s pretty easy to ignore, so that’s what I generally do.

Until today.

In anticipation of tomorrow’s free bagels, er, I mean site cleanup, he decided to place a recycling bin in the entry of my cube, making it impossible to “ignore.” This is one of those wheeled contraptions, maybe about four feet tall.

Hey thanks, I was wondering where to put all of my glasses and mugs and posters and food. Thanks for the paper and cardboard recycling bin. That really helps. I was lost without you, man.

This happened last week, too, because this year’s bagel cleanup day took place over two days. I will spare the whining related to that. (I had done a good job of not mentioning it at all, in fact, considering this is the first that many of you have heard of it.) I decided to do one of those HR-threatening e-mails, which I sent to the people involved, their bosses and my boss. You always copy your boss on these things, no matter what your relationship with your boss (hee), because it lends credibility and seriousness to what you have to say:

Good morning,

I found it quite disconcerting to find, for the second time in two weeks, an unannounced four-foot-tall recycling bin blocking the entrance to my cube this morning. I am fully aware of the site clean-up program (which incidentally is tomorrow, not today) and do not understand what this bin has to do with that. There is little in my cube that belongs in a recycling bin labeled to recycle paper and cardboard.

For the second time in two weeks, I have been singled out in a fashion that disrupts my ability to work. I was assured that this would not happen again, but this apparently is not true. I find this unprofessional and request that you refrain from doing this again. I do not wish to get HR involved because of the potential of a hostile work environment. I’d like to consider this matter closed at this time. Thank you for your understanding.

-Joel

Damn right. I have no idea what will come of this. Hopefully nothing, but stay tuned.