Today's featured shit

With everything going on in the world of online poker these days, it is kind of fitting that the poker laptop died yesterday, shortly after its fourth birthday.

The poker laptop had been serving a much more important role of late, however: serving as the home base of uploading new episodes of the shit show. With that computer conked out, it puts me in a situation I don’t have time to deal with right now. I need a new computer to upload episodes from, and that’s a stupid reason to buy one. If I make new episodes on my iPhone, I can’t save them easily, and I don’t want the only copy to be on a YouTube server in a cloud somewhere.

I may change my mind. It is the Internet, after all, but I really doubt it. The show started out as a tribute to Travis the Mormon, and I was able to get a hold of him because of it, and now we’re friends on Facebook. Then it was chronicling my roommate killing herself, buying a condo, breaking up with my ex, meeting my current girlfriend, and dealing with being unemployed twice. Now, I have it all, and nobody wants to hear someone brag for three minutes a day. But let’s call it a hiatus for now. And there will still be occasional vids from my other YouTube account when I see a show or need to tape another hockey stick. And I’ll probably bring back election episodes because those are just plain fun.

A show that is supposed to be about what I did yesterday is falling by the wayside because I have too many things to do. How about that.

I’ve got a bit of a backlog to upload, but there are two reasons for this. First, I haven’t had time to do it. I may pass a law in Jolistic Congress to upload episodes at work again. You may recall this used to be SOP before I worked at IDT, because they did not allow uploads to YouTube when I worked there. I’d forgotten that I used to do this all the time before then, so I might as well start it up again. But the Jolistic Senate is filibustering it because that’s not the way I’ve been doing it for nearly two years. It’s kind of like taking “under God” back out of the Pledge of Allegiance. No one seems to remember it’s been in there for only about 60 years. At any rate, uploads may resume Sunday or Monday. The longer I wait, the more I dread it because of how long it takes, so really I am saying uploading episodes is like doing laundry.
The second reason for the delay is because I am trying to get Partner at YouTube, although I am neither allowed to tell you to click on the ads nor allowed to tell you not to, so you’re on your own there. I am not going to retroactively turn ads on on all the back episodes, even though those are the ones people watch because they are actually good, because it will take too long, and I bet someday that process will be automated, the same way that previously embedded YouTube videos in WordPress were turned off and then turned back on again.
Be on the lookout for two or three On location episodes as well, because I am currently sitting backward on Caltrain, which can only mean one thing: Las Vegas.

Saturday’s episode errored out when it was uploading, and I didn’t notice. I’ll look at it when I get home and put yesterday’s and today’s up tomorrow.

It seems that the Sprint wireless card that Yahoo! gave me is too fast for its own good. I tried to upload episodes with it, and it would upload the video to YouTube so quickly that YouTube would abort the upload. I mean we’re talking a 600MB file in 30 seconds. That’s fast. So how will I get through this?

I found a good workaround. I just jump on the Yahoo! VPN, which is only so fast, and now it uploads at a more pedestrian speed. The same 600MB file should take about two hours to upload. Now I can Fixodent and forget it.

I went to upload five episodes last night to YouTube but was unable to.

One of the nice developments in technology since the show was created is that if I am having problems on the Internet I can go to Twitter and find out whether it was just me.

So instead I went to bed. Today’s episode will be from home because I forgot to put my camera back in my bag after I took it out to (ostensibly) upload the episodes. Actually, I transfer them to the external drive and upload them from there, but rather than skip the upload step and move on to the following step (“put camera back in bag before you forget, dumbass”), I just stopped the algorithm and fell asleep.

This brings me to another question that I am getting: What happened to the show?

Nothing has happened to the show. It’s just inconvenient to upload it every day from home. I have time on the weekends, so it may be that I upload a week’s worth of episodes at a time. That’s not very fun, though, and it sort of defeats the purpose of having a daily show. I might as well be Secret Asian Man and only publish on Sundays.

So I have another idea: I can take the backup drive and bring it to the office. Then I can transfer the episodes to it and upload them to YouTube from there. I am assuming that I can upload from here, but I guess I will find out Monday. (At IDT I could not upload anything to anywhere. They make it hard to do anything technical there.) Once a month I can bring it home and synchronize the drives, just as I do now. Or I can stop in with the one from home before I play hockey, because I am literally a mile from Ice Oasis these days. Why even live in San Jose now that work and hockey are in the same neighborhood?

So tonight I should upload (now) six episodes, and then things should actually be uploaded more quickly than before. We’ll see. Otherwise I’d just go to a weekly show because my life is otherwise quite boring these days, but I really don’t want to do that because, at this point, it’s a matter of seeing how high I can get the episode count to go. In the meantime, I will continue to further the show’s mission, which is “What if Seinfeld weren’t funny?”

This is a transcript for Episode 1097. I never make them, and in fact I have not even recorded it yet. I’ll be reading this off the screen. Insert Barack Obama TelePrompTer joke here. But I have been invited to write a 200-word review of tonight’s show in Concord for Spinning Platters, so I figure I might as well make the review a transcript of an episode. Aren’t I a genius?

It’s the Joel Shit Show, featuring Joel Shit! Hi, welcome to the Joel Shit Show. I’m your host, Joel Shit. So yesterday I went to the Concord Pavilion, er, the Chronicle Pavilion, er, Sleep Train Pavilion to see No Doubt, Paramore and The Sounds. There was a promotion with State Farm in which I could play Rock Band, and if my band did the best rendition of “Spiderwebs,” then we’d win free upgrades to VIP seats, which were likely available because they charged too much for them in the first place. We did not win. Some kids played on Expert and got more than 800,000 points, and we were no match for that. We tried twice, both with me on drums. Whether I was on medium or hard it did not really matter. We got about 570,000 points both times.

And then some other stuff happened. And No Doubt played a bunch of songs. The setlist is on my Twitter. You know the drill: twitter.com/joelshitshow. Then after the show I met someone who fucked Adam from Link 80. She recognized my shirt.

Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Visit us on the Web at joelshitshow.com. E-mail joel@joelshitshow.com.

I’ve been doing election coverage, but my uploading laptop died. I am buying a new one. It all happened when I went here and tried to download this so I could use this.

It downloaded fine, and then I went to yoga while it was installing. When I got home, my chi was gone with the wind, for I saw the blue screen of death. I did a hard shutdown, or whatever it’s called when you hold down the power button. And then… nothing. So after four years the laptop some of you know as the poker laptop and others of you know as the GQ laptop is going away.

YouTube sucks. You can’t comment, register or upload right now. I will try again when today’s Mexican surprise is in the oven.

Episode 157 will be late tonight. I didn’t bring my camera to Napa, so I will do it when I get home. However, I have been writing my trip report for lasvegasadvisor.com, and because it’s a paid site, I will post it here for those of you that are not members there. It is more than 10,000 words, and I promise it will be funny. Look for that tomorrow.

I forgot that I was locked into my friend’s place, so when I went outside to sell my two Incubus tickets, I had to leave his place to do it. So now I am in a coffeehouse, and when I get home this evening I will do a show. In the meantime, I can upload last night’s Tralala show.