Today's featured shit

A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in a deli window that says, Cheese Sandwich – $1.00, Ham Sandwich – $2.00, Hand Job – $10.00. The man walks in and approaches the incredibly attractive girl working the counter.

“Are you the one who gives the $10.00 hand job?” he asks, to which she replies, “Why, yes I am, how can I help you?”

“Go wash your hands, I want a ham sandwich.”

So the last three times I have taken my car to Saturn for an oil change they have done the same asinine thing. You know the sticker they put on the dashboard to remind you when the next time is that you should get your oil changed? Well, instead of putting the month, day and number of miles, they have been putting the month, year and number of miles.

This is a complete waste of space and a disservice. I know what year it will be in three months. Arguably, I even know what month I should bring my car in again. The most important thing is to know the date.

So after my service order is written up this morning, I tell the guy that if they don’t knock this shit off that I am going to go to a different Saturn dealership. I then said, “to be clear, the sticker ought to say,” and then I looked at a calendar to determine what it should say. Well three months from today is January 7, 2007, so whether they do it the right way or not, it is still going to say “01/07.” The service adviser is an all-white version of Lance, so he was sure to have a good laugh at my expense.

I told him that this will be a bigger deal in January, because I am definitely not going to bring my car in on January 7. I just won’t. I don’t care whether I get a coupon in the mail saying “free donuts and hookers on January 7 with oil change.” I am not coming in on January 7.

He told me the guy that worked on my car the last two times (and ostensibly made out the sticker — he said that they don’t do a bunch in advance and fill in the mileage only at the time, which I think would be a huge time saver if not completely impractical) no longer works for them, so we’ll see. As an aside, I looked at the sticker in the shuttle, and it said “12/06.” I suppose it could have been serviced on September 6, but I am not so confident in that.

I mentioned to my boss that I was only going to be out of town December 11-21, but I had requested the 11th to the 22nd off. My boss approved it, but now my boss wants me to be in the office on the 22nd because I won’t be out of town.

So I am going to take nine days off, work one day, and then get the next two business days off (12/25-26) because they are company holidays.

And because it is the day before a holiday, we will only work half a day anyway, and I am going to spend the whole day reading nine days of e-mail, which I was going to do anyway.

Part of me hopes I don’t get either job so I can stick around and get a free day of vacation. Of course I will give back the 22nd and work it. I provide some sort of security to my boss by being online, I guess, even if I am not actually doing any work (not that I would ever do that).