Today's featured shit

This has a Bemani feel to it, but I see no evidence of anything Japanese about Astronauts of Antiquity. This kind of music belongs in a hipster restaurant like Ti Couz that charges $15 for a stupid mushroom and cheese crepe. Sure, it tastes good, but is anyone there for any reason other than because they are trying to get laid?

“Everywhere” leads off the album and sounds great. Even the most boring date will be OK in this environment because you can just get lost in the music. Just be sure to ask for separate checks first.

“Breakthrough” is buried in the album but stands out among its peers. It’s a little reminiscent of something that escaped from a poetry slam, and I hear Doctor Who hooks in there, but it’s better than what the rest of the album offers. A lot of these songs really only serve to make me feel old, though. Why should I care what kind of scotch goes with this antidepressant? It’s got alcohol in it, doesn’t it?

I was hoping “Love Is All Around” was a cover but no such luck. This reminds me of cheesy late-1980s rhythm and blues music.

This is a five-track EP. “Michael Don’t Do It” starts things off with fun keyboards, functional drums and mediocre singing. It’s got a very high snarl ratio, so that just might be what you’re looking for.

“Oliver” sounds about the same. It sounds as if Jennifer Trynin got drunk (and no longer feeling good, apparently) and tried to record something on the dance floor.

“Simple Shoe” focus more on the keyboard and reminds me of Call and Response. This is what we need to hear more of. “If U Wannit” tries to do a Peaches/Siouxsie and the Banshees thing. It works because those two acts needed a mashup made of them anyway, and now Hidden People have done an artist’s rendition of just that.

“Birth Control” rounds things out. It sounds like a remix of a PJ Harvey song. I can see why people would like this. There’s definitely a lot going on with these tracks, and it will be interesting to see what direction the band goes in.

This is more Casio-inspired music. It doesn’t suck like She Wants Revenge does, although it does have that 1990s style of synths and cheerfulness. You almost feel cheated that the lyrics are in English. Well, some of them are in German, but not enough are. There is a legitimate risk of Shitty Beatles Syndrome here, but for the most part, Mistress Stephanie uses her melodic cat to stay out of trouble.

One of the kookier things is how short the songs are. It’s almost as if the album is saying “Fuck you, I am not a dance album!” That’s got to be it. “Too Hard” makes me want to dance a tango, but the song is less than three minutes long. Still, I can picture Morticia and Gomez Addams dancing at the old folks home to this ditty.

“Heaven” is a slice of just that. John Forster would approve of this song. “Awfully Confusing” takes the best of Berlin and turns into a song. Really these guys should just focus on the synthy stuff. There’s no way you can appreciate this music unless you’re wearing leather pants anyway, so why waste time with the irrelevant goofiness?

“Johnny Gewurztraminer” goes in yet another direction, but it is not so bad. I can picture New Pornographers doing something like this when Neko Case is in a guesting mood. I’d never call it a punk rock song, but it’s something punk fans can appreciate.

If S.J. Sharkie is the hardest working fish in the NHL, then Monkey must be the hardest working ska band in the world. Curtis Meacham, or, as he introduces himself to people, “Curtis from Monkey,” rallies the troops on what must be the band’s 137th album. Despite it all, you know they keep it real because they still thank Taco Bravo in the liner notes.

The title track leads things off on a dull note. It just sounds tired. As a band more focused on having a good time, it’s more important than normal to be upbeat all the time. “My Own Time” gets things off to a much brighter start, but it still gets a little subdued halfway through. Ditto for “In Demand.”

There are four instrumentals on the album, and they all provide for excellent background music at your own party, although for the right amount of money I am sure you can get them to play it. For the most part, the instrumentals are the best tracks on the album.

“This Life” is definitely one you can skank to. If I am going to sit in the parking lot at the aforementioned Taco Bravo on Bascom Avenue, this is the song I want playing while I enjoy my Taco Delite. Unfortunately, it is a challenge to eat one of those in three minutes and three seconds. Luckily, you can follow that up with “Walking on Coals,” which also has good flavor, even if there is no freshly shredded cheddar cheese. “Chemical Nation” sounds as if Men at Work did ska. To me that’s a compliment, anyway.

Albums such as this one are so much fun. Lots of sampling, keyboards and goofiness. If you think it’s funny that the pirate movie was rated ARRRRRRRRR because of too much booty, then this is the album for you.

“Rodeo Butterfly” is like a nonthreatening version of something DJ Shadow would do. Finally, music that takes the drugs for you so you don’t have to deal with the paranoia after the record stops!

“Stumble Out of Bed” samples, you guessed it, “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton. It’s no “Jolene,” but it’s still good fun. I have to say that 2 minutes and 51 seconds has never seemed so long, though. Maybe I do need the drugs. “Marchy March” reminds me of “21st Century Girl” by Pizzicato Five. It has the same 1970s horns to be sure.

“Don Knotts” is 26 seconds on someone saying “Don Knotts.” At first I was disappointed, but then I realized that there’s nothing you can do to showcase Don Knotts better than saying his name. He’s already awesome. “The Girl That I Used to Be” has a good beat.

All in all, there are 30 tracks, and the song titles should help you figure out what is the best.