He’ll Be Fine
Erik Bedard had sore legs.
Wandy Rodriguez has a bruised index finger.
Koji Uehara has a sore hamstring.
Today is Brad Penny‘s first start because of his shoulder.
Johan Santana had elbow discomfort. Remember: Don’t draft him. Trade for him in June.
Troy Tulowitzki has a sore back.
Dustin Pedroia had a sore oblique.
Mike Lowell had offseason hip surgery.
Robinson Cano has a sore shoulder. It only affects him when he throws.
Starting Job in Jeopardy
Horacio Ramirez has been very inconsistent.
Joe Mather may lose the third base gig to David Freese.
Name Recognition Means Nothing
Wilson Betemit should not be taken till the end of the draft.
Darin Erstad only belongs in NL-only leagues because he is stuck behind Michael Bourn, Hunter Pence and Carlos Lee.
Injured Starters
Brandon Backe is on the DL.
Eric Chavez hurt his shoulder and still has not played.
B.J. Upton will be out at least two weeks.
Sleepers for Keeper Leagues
Junichi Tazawa has been optioned to AA.
Matt Brown and Kendry Morales are battling it out for the first base job.
David Price is still scheduled to be optioned, but he may stick with the big club.
Adam Jones will be starting in center field. So will Cameron Maybin, and he will be batting leadoff.
Paul Janish may make the team but will only be a backup.
Major League Starter Doesn’t Mean Fantasy League Starter
Elvis Andrus is a 20-year-old rookie starting shortstop who can’t hit.
Matt Kemp is only going to bat seventh once Manny Ramirez is back.
Jonathan Sanchez should be dealt if he gets off to a hot start.
Dallas Braden will be lucky to be a No. 4 starter. Same with Brian Moehler.
Jerry Owens should be the starting center fielder, but he can’t hit.
Miguel Olivo will be the starter, but he should be your No. 2 catcher.
Jeff Mathis will get more starts with Mike Napoli DHing on occasion, but he can’t hit.
Nick Punto should only be considered in AL-only leagues, especially if you can get 2B eligibility. (He is the starting SS this year.)
Closer Alert
Todd Coffey will start out in middle relief.
Evan Meek has a fatigued shoulder and may not even make the team.
Troy Percival has looked great but will be on a short leash because of the deep bullpen.
Carlos Villanueva and Seth McClung are the leading candidates for replacing the injured Trevor Hoffman.
Breakout Candidates
Josh Fields will start in a platoon but could get the full-time gig.
Other Stuff
Randy Winn may bat leadoff.
There are no at-bats available for Daric Barton.
Jody Gerut and Jerry Hairston will platoon.
Chad Tracy will be the starter at first base.
Jeremy Reed, Ryan Church, Fernando Tatis and Daniel Murphy are fighting for the same at bats in the outfield.
Adam Lind, Travis Snider and Jason Lane are fighting for the same at bats.
Ben Zobrist has multiple position eligibility, but he sucks at all of them. Same with Ty Wigginton.
Ian Snell will be a cheap WHIP/ERA guy, but don’t expect a lot of wins.
The Twins will rotate four outfielders: Michael Cuddyer, Denard Span, Carlos Gomez and Chris Young. Span usually bats leadoff, and Cuddyer looks to get the shortest end of the stick, although the other three are so young that invariably one will stop hitting.
Today's featured shit 
I think you should make the names link to their baseball reference page. You should also sponsor some people you think are sleepers. The ad could say: “You would have known this guy was good first if you had read joelshitshow.com”
-G.
That’s a good idea.