Today's featured shit

Maria Taylor is/was the lead singer of Azure Ray. That says it all, really. This album is fucking amazing, and aspiring singer/songwriters, longing to escape the shackles of playing farmers markets, should take note of everything Taylor does, because these are things that they should be doing too.

The title track leads things off, and it is musical ambrosia. It almost makes me cry. “It’s Time” is enough to make me cry. Taylor’s voice is so beautiful, but it has ethereal synths in the background, acting as rubber padding so the voice can be shipped without damage.

“Green Butterfly” belongs in an Apple commercial. iPhone or iPod? I’ll leave that up to the marketing geniuses. Her voice is merely good on this track, but the musical accompaniment is amazing. I bet KT Tunstall wishes someone would ask her to sing this.

I’d be remiss not to point out how beautiful “Orchids” is. It gets a little lost among the tracks, but if it weren’t for the new Mirah album, you could use this track to hold you over.

“Cartoons and Forever Plans” sounds a little… polished? When compared to the stripped down melodies of the other tracks, the introduction of backing vocals is a little alarming, but I imagine that this track is at the end of the album for the same reason the noisy baby’s family gets the table in the restaurant next to the kitchen. It does not match the rest of the decor.

These songs are so long. When it’s a good song, such as “Red Room,” it’s great. Not all the songs are as good as “Red Room,” however. The drummer seems determined to drag the song along. Maybe he likes it on stage.

“Bruises” features thoughtful guitar with a Northwest sound. It does turn out that the band is from Seattle, so I guess it makes sense. “Dark Hair” also has drums mixed rather high, but again, that’s not a bad thing. They just stand out.

“Eyes” is clearly the song Levator put the most effort into, and it shows. It builds slowly to a great peak of musical accomplishment and then slowly wears away to its end. It’s no Book of Love, but it’s close, and that’s all you’re going to get these days.

Best suited for a movie soundtrack, “Mocking Bird” wants you to know it deserves to be two words long. Don’t fuck with this song. It’s got quite a pecker. The drums are mixed a little high again, but it’s been compensated by having the sax be even more louderer. Somehow, though, it works!

These songs are really long. No wonder it is only eight tracks long. The band name makes sense. These songs are bright, but they make me tired. They have no restraint and meander about.

One of the tracks is called “Sleepy Son,” but I don’t know whether it is a play on words or someone is just a dumbass. The song itself is fine. The first half of the album all sounds the same, really.

“Golden Artifact” is cleaner sounding and actually has some cohesiveness to it. Lisa Germano is known for this type of music, although she has put out whole albums like “Golden Artifact.” “White Dove” is a departure from the rest of the album. It reminds me of Mecca Normal. “Duet With the Northern Sky” is a fun slow dancing song. Even the cat and dog would dance together to this song.

I can picture this album playing at Coffee Society at the Pruneyard, but then again, they played “Chocolate Rain” there yesterday, so that’s not saying much.

This is fucking awesome. Sex Presleys said “fuck you” to mashups and decided to take Elvis Presley lyrics and sing them as parodies of Sex Pistols songs. “Teddy Bear” uses “Anarchy in the U.K.” for example.

This is a six-track EP, and I’d list the Sex Pistols song that goes with each song, but I am a poseur fan and can only sing “Anarchy in the U.K.” and “Friggin’ in the Riggin’.” The other Elvis songs are “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” “Burnin’ Love,” “Heartbreak Hotel,” “Hound Dog” and “Always on My Mind,” which was covered by Elvis anyway. (It is a Brenda Lee song.)

Oh, “Heartbreak Hotel” is “God Save the Queen.” That’s entertaining, but “Teddy Bear” is the best. It’s really too bad that “Friggin’ in the Riggin'” was not used. Maybe that will happen on their next album.

If Handsome Furs were Troy McClure, you might remember parts of them from such acts as Wolf Parade. I don’t know why record labels think it is funny to make an album that does not include either band members or a track listing, but Sub Pop is busting up somewhere, I know it.

“I’m Confused” reminds me of Billy Idol. When I was in high school, Mr. Balochie would give us cassette tapes of our Spanish lessons so we could use rote memory to pass his tests. It never helped us learn Spanish, but I guess the purpose is to pass the class, right? At any rate, one of the sentences was “You all can’t believe that he listens to Billy Idol.” I think it was a test of the subjunctive tense.

“(White City)” has the keyboards to go with the drum machine that the rest of the tracks have. Therefore, it sounds like a good song. Why these past two tracks are stuck in the middle of the album is beyond me.

“Nyet Spasiba” gives them a turkey as the third straight strike of a song. The track order is just ridiculously bad. I suppose with no checks and balances (the track listing) there was no motivation to put the good songs first. “Officer of Hearts” makes it four in a row. Really, what were they thinking?

The parenthetical songs are actually interludes, so that means I was not allowed to like “(White City)” as well as “(It’s Not Me It’s You).” It is clear that the lack of a track listing was premeditated, because that is why they put the titles in parentheses. I’m disappointed in you, Sub Pop.

“Thy Will Be Done” has an early 1980s feel, but it sounds mailed in. I bet when they play this live that it gets the crowd going and that everyone likes it.

CD art works, especially when your CD has no cover. I admit it. I fell for it. This is a four-track EP. “Pink Flamingoes” leads off. It is just serious enough that it can’t be silly, and it is just silly enough that it can’t be serious. I am completely missing the point of this song.

Why should it be silly, you ask? Because the CD is lime green, and there are caricatures of George W. Bush and Barack Obama (in a Superman outfit, no less) on it. “Tooth Decay” and “Delectable” are quite forgettable.

The only saving grace is the cover of “Tainted Love.” After hearing the first three tracks, it makes this sound passable.

Clever art gets your foot in the door, but when you’re selling home abortion kits to the Mormons, 20% more than zero is still zero.

Morrissey is 50! And his music style has finally reached the 1990s. Either that or he has found the Paxil. “Something Is Squeezing My Skull” has great hooks and artificially raises my expectations. It almost doesn’t sound like him.

The lyrics are mixed pretty high on this album, which is great when Morrissey has something to say. “I’m Throwing My Arms Around Paris” reminds me of Squeeze. I guess he isn’t always in the 1990s, then, but he definitely has embraced the post-grunge sound. There must be a cover of a Breeders song on here somewhere.

“All You Need Is Me” is a bit flat. Sometimes Morrissey tries to be a little too normal, and it’s just not fooling anyone. You don’t have to be depressed all the time, but you do need to have emotion in your songs.

“When I Last Spoke to Carol” has the same guitar as “Suedehead.” I guess when you have been around as long as he has, you’re bound to repeat some things.

Sleepy music here, like Mazzy Star or Innocence Mission. And her voice is almost that good too, especially on “Rosary.” Uniquely her own, it still inspires you to think of these other acts.

“Mary Come Alive” has a bit of an ’80s video game feel, but more in a serious RPG way than a goofy Sonic the Hedgehog title. The title track sounds a lot like “Rosary,” only with guitar to keep the beat.

“River of Dirt” is peppier with that same great voice. This is always tricky because a dreamy voice lends itself to the slow stuff, but it works. “Loner” has gothic-inspired music and screams to be compared with Cranes.

The rest of the album kind of runs together. There’s only so many ways to make Hamburger Helper, and Marissa Nadler’s options are a bit limited as well. Perhaps it would have been better as an EP, but there are still several gems here.

Ordinary isn’t the worst word to describe Company of Thieves. It has all the ingredients to make a fruitcake, but without love, it just tastes like fruitcake. (That’s an Archie Comics reference, by the way.)

“Oscar Wilde” stands out a little. There is a little more passion in the vocals here, and the music is a bit more spirited. But generally you’ve got a three-piece female-fronted rock band here. Like Arvydas Sabonis, they are a bit of a hobby spare.

My standards for Wind-up Records bands are pretty high. After all, Stretch Princess were on that label. Unfortunately, the 21st century has happened to Company of Thieves, and that makes it sound a little too modern for me. That might be good for you. If so, “Pressure” is a good song.

“Around the Block” sounds much better. Why can’t they do more like this? Very strong vocals and lyrics that mean something. “Even in the Dark” slows things down without making it boring. This sounds iike Club 8.

This album is backward. The end is so much better than the beginning. Tough it out, and you’ll be rewarded.