Today's featured shit

It’s a benefit compilation, this time for the Red Hot Organization. I was trying to make Red Hot brownies for Valentine’s Day at work, and unfortunately all Target had were Hot Tamales, so instead they were Hot Tamale brownies, and good desserts should never rhyme. Less than three weeks later, I lost my job. You do the math.

Pretty straightforward stuff. I like Feist, so I like “Train Song,” which also features Ben Gibbard. I enjoy Bon Iver, and I like “Bracket, WI.” See how this works?

“Inspiration Information” by Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings reminds me of a ’60s Motown classic. Such oldies are bound to make the cholas horny. If you’re going on a beer run, this is the song for you.

“Knotty Pine” is also fun. Let’s thank Dirty Projectors and David Byrne (no relation to Liz) for that. The singing is as if the lead singer from Bettie Serveert drank a pot of coffee and then went to the studio.

An album of ballads with female vocals, Bosque Brown doesn’t do anything wrong on “Baby,” but there are no surprises either. They’ve found what they are good at, and they stick with it.

“Train Song” has a little more of a beat, but it doesn’t take anything away from the band’s soul. The bass and piano definitely make the song a lot catchier.

“This Town” sounds like a Beatles cover, but no, it’s all Bosque Brown, all the time. “Phone Call” focuses a little more on the piano, although it causes me to wonder why small children in car commercials never are in child safety seats. Is it to show how safe their cars are?

There’s not much else to say. You either like strong female voices with subdued guitar and piano or you don’t.

These guys must have looked up “power pop” in the dictionary. “Something Unreal” is as good a song as any. They don’t take themselves too seriously, but they still try hard. That’s the best of both worlds, really.

“Fresh Pit” reminds me of the Posies. It’s a pretty timeless sound. Like many songs on this album, it’s a little short, but that’s okay. More time for honey-roasted peanuts!

“Pow3rfull” has the same intro as the hook in “Code Monkey” by Jonathan Coulton. I think that’s reason enough to like it, because the songs stands up on its own anyway, much like a metal utensil in a bowl of Dennison’s chili.

“Add Vice” and “Dance Trance Pants” remind me of Howard Jones. I told you. The sound is timeless. How can you go wrong with anything here? You can’t really. Maybe they suck live. These songs are all great, promise.

This band’s shtick is to spell everything as one word. I refuse to play along. This is just another semi-soulless female-fronted rock band. It is certainly passable, but there is nothing that stands out.

“Just Another Day” is a Sheryl Crow reject with lyrics and guitars that flow and connect seamlessly, but again, there is nothing groundbreaking here.

The best song is “Rocket Girl.” This band needs to do pop numbers. That is what it was built to do. And this track has no shame in belting out something that belongs on an adult contemporary radio station. Be proud of what you are! I am sure the women at Wire Daisies live shows are hot, just like at KT Tunstall shows.

“Gay Boy” is probably offensive. I mean, if putting a chimpanzee in a political cartoon is offensive, then so is this song, right? It actually has the best sensibilities of any track on the album. You can actually hear Wire Daisies try on this one.

If you want to hear them slow it down and still have meaning, then check out “Leaving So Soon.” This is another possible direction for this act, but as it stands, this self-titled set of songs is too inconsistent to be able to determine its fate.

This has a Bemani feel to it, but I see no evidence of anything Japanese about Astronauts of Antiquity. This kind of music belongs in a hipster restaurant like Ti Couz that charges $15 for a stupid mushroom and cheese crepe. Sure, it tastes good, but is anyone there for any reason other than because they are trying to get laid?

“Everywhere” leads off the album and sounds great. Even the most boring date will be OK in this environment because you can just get lost in the music. Just be sure to ask for separate checks first.

“Breakthrough” is buried in the album but stands out among its peers. It’s a little reminiscent of something that escaped from a poetry slam, and I hear Doctor Who hooks in there, but it’s better than what the rest of the album offers. A lot of these songs really only serve to make me feel old, though. Why should I care what kind of scotch goes with this antidepressant? It’s got alcohol in it, doesn’t it?

I was hoping “Love Is All Around” was a cover but no such luck. This reminds me of cheesy late-1980s rhythm and blues music.

This is a five-track EP. “Michael Don’t Do It” starts things off with fun keyboards, functional drums and mediocre singing. It’s got a very high snarl ratio, so that just might be what you’re looking for.

“Oliver” sounds about the same. It sounds as if Jennifer Trynin got drunk (and no longer feeling good, apparently) and tried to record something on the dance floor.

“Simple Shoe” focus more on the keyboard and reminds me of Call and Response. This is what we need to hear more of. “If U Wannit” tries to do a Peaches/Siouxsie and the Banshees thing. It works because those two acts needed a mashup made of them anyway, and now Hidden People have done an artist’s rendition of just that.

“Birth Control” rounds things out. It sounds like a remix of a PJ Harvey song. I can see why people would like this. There’s definitely a lot going on with these tracks, and it will be interesting to see what direction the band goes in.

This is more Casio-inspired music. It doesn’t suck like She Wants Revenge does, although it does have that 1990s style of synths and cheerfulness. You almost feel cheated that the lyrics are in English. Well, some of them are in German, but not enough are. There is a legitimate risk of Shitty Beatles Syndrome here, but for the most part, Mistress Stephanie uses her melodic cat to stay out of trouble.

One of the kookier things is how short the songs are. It’s almost as if the album is saying “Fuck you, I am not a dance album!” That’s got to be it. “Too Hard” makes me want to dance a tango, but the song is less than three minutes long. Still, I can picture Morticia and Gomez Addams dancing at the old folks home to this ditty.

“Heaven” is a slice of just that. John Forster would approve of this song. “Awfully Confusing” takes the best of Berlin and turns into a song. Really these guys should just focus on the synthy stuff. There’s no way you can appreciate this music unless you’re wearing leather pants anyway, so why waste time with the irrelevant goofiness?

“Johnny Gewurztraminer” goes in yet another direction, but it is not so bad. I can picture New Pornographers doing something like this when Neko Case is in a guesting mood. I’d never call it a punk rock song, but it’s something punk fans can appreciate.

If S.J. Sharkie is the hardest working fish in the NHL, then Monkey must be the hardest working ska band in the world. Curtis Meacham, or, as he introduces himself to people, “Curtis from Monkey,” rallies the troops on what must be the band’s 137th album. Despite it all, you know they keep it real because they still thank Taco Bravo in the liner notes.

The title track leads things off on a dull note. It just sounds tired. As a band more focused on having a good time, it’s more important than normal to be upbeat all the time. “My Own Time” gets things off to a much brighter start, but it still gets a little subdued halfway through. Ditto for “In Demand.”

There are four instrumentals on the album, and they all provide for excellent background music at your own party, although for the right amount of money I am sure you can get them to play it. For the most part, the instrumentals are the best tracks on the album.

“This Life” is definitely one you can skank to. If I am going to sit in the parking lot at the aforementioned Taco Bravo on Bascom Avenue, this is the song I want playing while I enjoy my Taco Delite. Unfortunately, it is a challenge to eat one of those in three minutes and three seconds. Luckily, you can follow that up with “Walking on Coals,” which also has good flavor, even if there is no freshly shredded cheddar cheese. “Chemical Nation” sounds as if Men at Work did ska. To me that’s a compliment, anyway.

Albums such as this one are so much fun. Lots of sampling, keyboards and goofiness. If you think it’s funny that the pirate movie was rated ARRRRRRRRR because of too much booty, then this is the album for you.

“Rodeo Butterfly” is like a nonthreatening version of something DJ Shadow would do. Finally, music that takes the drugs for you so you don’t have to deal with the paranoia after the record stops!

“Stumble Out of Bed” samples, you guessed it, “9 to 5” by Dolly Parton. It’s no “Jolene,” but it’s still good fun. I have to say that 2 minutes and 51 seconds has never seemed so long, though. Maybe I do need the drugs. “Marchy March” reminds me of “21st Century Girl” by Pizzicato Five. It has the same 1970s horns to be sure.

“Don Knotts” is 26 seconds on someone saying “Don Knotts.” At first I was disappointed, but then I realized that there’s nothing you can do to showcase Don Knotts better than saying his name. He’s already awesome. “The Girl That I Used to Be” has a good beat.

All in all, there are 30 tracks, and the song titles should help you figure out what is the best.

I can’t believe how popular this music is these days. My ship has come in! There’s no gimmicky hot women in miniskirts tap dancing here, but there’s plenty of that chipper, fun and meaningless music to go around here. Have a “Ball” with Spiral Beach!

“Made of Stone” is a fun rock party song. If you and your friends mock hipsters but swear up and down that y’all y’allselves are not hispters, then this is the song for you.

“Rocket Fuel” is… not rockabilly, but it definitely ends in -billy. There’s a bit of Billy Idol, too, though. But no American Idol. It’s too good. It’s a simple and fast song.

“We Saw Ghosts” slows it down a bit and makes you want to dance with the gal next to you, especially if she’s hot. Especially. Normally you would think a song that makes you want to do what you would do anyway is no big deal, but trust me. This song is an exception.

More, please.