Today's featured shit

All the songs have really long titles, just like the album, although there is no title track. This album is in Japanese, or at least the art is. The songs don’t exactly have any words.

The music is like a sterilized version of Primus or The Flaming Lips. It is also lacking the direction of those acts. The songs are great from a jam band perspective, but Te has not preserved a beginning, middle or end for the songs, and it leaves one with a mint jelly taste in his mouth.

“The Greatest Trust for Others Will Be Born From Self Reliance Within” relies on lots of jamming and noise. At least it’s not guitar wanking. Really, the titles are the best part unless you’re really into jam bands. I wonder whether Te ever has any string cheese incidents. “Dream Is a Colloquial Term for Describing a Lie, as If to Embellish an Ugly and Humdrum Life” is fun. It reminds me of Jawbreaker, only again without singing.

These song titles are kind of like fortune cookies, except for two things: Fortune cookies are not Japanese, and fortune cookies are too small. The fortune would have to fit in a croissant because it would be so long. Where else can you explain that “We Want to Sing You Off to Sleep With a Song, We Want to Sit Next to You and Sing a Song”?

The best song has more melody and is called “Poem Is Just a Lonely Solace Shared by a Master of the Sick-Minded and the Solitary.” If you want something a little more loud rock in nature, give “All Human Beings Have the Strength to Live With Other People’s Misery.” Stick that in your croissant and smoke it.

There is a cat in the liner notes. I want to hear it. I don’t know what to make of this one. There’s a definite early ’70s retro attempt being made here. I have a sudden urge to drive a 1967 Rambler, and on the way to picking up a Mamas and the Papas album, I might as well listen to this while it’s playing on the radio.

The harmonies sound like something the Jesus and Mary Chain would do, like that time when Hope Sandoval showed up on their doorstep, but the music doesn’t fit. I bet they would play this at Empire Records. “Gotta Cheer Up” is what makes me think this, by the way.

“Gone the Bells” is an awesome song. It’s like a down-filled comforter on a rainy day, when you don’t even care where the cat is, because you’re obtaining warmth in a new and improved way. Speaking of Sandoval, this definitely has a Mazzy Star feel.

“By Morning Light” has whistling in it. It’s also more than five minutes long. A lot of these songs are really long. They’re all pretty good, though.

It’s just a single. Standard late-’90s club music mixed a little shrill on the lyrics side. It’s not bad, just uninspired. I normally like extra emphasis on whomever plays the diva role in these forays, but her voice is one octave too high and mixed just a little too loud for the song. It’s fine for what it is, but there’s better stuff out there. A trance remix would work because the synths would overpower her voice.

There’s a human beat box, thanks to Sly Johnson. And we can thank Dianke Termessant for backing vocals. And we can thank Billie Holiday for a song we’re more likely to know. Yes, Traore covers “The Man I Love.” It’s worth a shot if you like the original.

As far as African music goes, this gets the job done. “Zen” makes me think of the 1980s, but by that I mean 1980s American pop music. I am not up to snuff as to what the kids in Mali were into 20 years ago, but if it sounded like this, then they had good taste. It’s weird how when you hear Siouxsie and the Banshees dabble in stuff like this you think “wow that’s a nod to some culture I know nothing about.” Now, well, I guess I know a little.

I like the flow in “Koronoko.” It’s a slightly more complex song than the others, in that there’s a lot going on at once, but it’s still easy to follow along.

Moussa Traore took over Mali in a bloodless coup in 1968. I can’t help but wonder whether there is any relation.

It’s an album of covers ranging from Nirvana to Igor Stravinsky. They’re generally not that good. If you like “Lithium,” you should give it a spin, just so you can hear it, but similar to the Coors Light ads that show the NFL head coaches at press conferences, it is the original content that’s entertaining, not the bastardization of it.

Gyorgi Ligeti is happy to be dead so he can now proceed to roll over in his grave after these guys have covered “Fem (Etude No. 8).” I’d rather they cover “Mambo No. 5” by Lou Bega. Everyone sounds drunk in these songs.

My girlfriend disapproves of their rendition of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb,” and that’s good enough for me. I’d ask whether it needs to be nearly seven minutes long, but for all I know, the original is that long too.

The cover of the Bee Gees’ “How Deep Is Your Love” isn’t that great either, but you can’t screw up a disco cover. I mean, no one can–not even these guys.

This could be the best album I hear all year. “March” is a song by The Reputation, and these guys sound better than them. The Godshills sound like a little bit each of the female-fronted rock bands of the mid-90s and early 2000s. So Bettie Serveert and The Rocking Horse Winner.

There are only nine songs, and most of them are pretty short. “Boats” sounds like something you would hear in the background of a cheesy ’80s teen flick, but somehow that’s a compliment. “Behind the Door” has a more modern feel and is very polished. Anyone who doesn’t like this must be a misogynist.

“Spiderwebs” is not a No Doubt cover. It is more layered than the other songs and makes me think of a middle school math class. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s an unforgettable experience. “The Unclean Spirit” is longer and more of a stripped down ballad. Sleepy? A little, but not in a bad way. Put this song on your makeout mix.

Fun and jangly power pop, right here, right now. The Reaction want one, and they’ll get it with this release. From crunchy guitar to sensible and accurate bass, it has it all. I don’t understand how anyone could sit still and listen to this. You must get up and dance and do it now.

“It’s About Time” has it all. If it were a snack, it would be donuts. The title track is only 68 seconds long but a lot of fun. If you want simple stuff that rocks, this is where you go.

“Hello at Last” has the same bass intro as The Kirby Grips’ “At Last,” and that’s no coincidence. The bassist from that group is in The Reaction. It’s a good set of notes, though. A great idea. This bit is an instrumental, but maybe someday it will grow into a song.

Remember the guitar in “Fireman” by Jawbreaker? This band loves doing that stuff. “And Then There’s Mod” has more of a punk take. It’s great to hear them rock out. It reminds me of why I got into the local scene in the first place.

14 tracks. 30 minutes. Play it all in a row. Whew! That was a workout!

This music is too cultured for me. It has mandolins, banjos, mirambulas and a pump organ. Some songs are in French (“Toujours Vouloir”). Others aren’t but make as much sense as those that are (the title track). Albums that make me feel underdressed are not necessarily bad. It just means I misjudged it when I first saw it.

The faster songs are more my style. “You Don’t See It” could easily be a Suzanne Vega song, except the voice doesn’t match. The mixing of this album was definitely not skipped over. Everything is in its perfect little place. There’s nothing for me to grab onto generally.

I also like Magalenha, although I have no idea what language it is in. My money is on Portuguese. It would go great with a bottle of wine.

When I say this is party music, I mean one of those mixers you have right after you move, like a housewarming party. It will catch your attention every now and then and provide fodder for conversation once the weather has been discussed for the 81st time.

It’s the Clash. Even those that live under a rock heard this in the background while having sedimentary thoughts. All your favorites are there. Really what makes an album like this listenable are when songs sound even better than they normally do. For this, I nominate “The Guns of Brixton.” It starts with a bit of banter and then goes right into the song. It may not be The Clash’s most popular song, but this version rates as one of the best.

The cover of “I Fought the Law” is also above average and a song they are often known for. “The Magnificent Seven” is one of their more fun forays normally, but it misses the mark. Live albums are tough. You’re always going to have some songs that sound better or worse on any given night. “Armagideon Time” also is one to avoid. Luckily you can always listen to the studio version of the track!

Your standards are here too: “London Calling,” “Rock the Casbah” and “Should I Stay Or Should I Go.” They’re, well, standard. No real surprises but not bad either.

It’s an EP with a few remixes thrown in. The original sounds like another Book of Love sendup, although it has none of the innocence. Second track is an instrumental of the first track. I suppose that’s called “karaoke version” these days. Use it as a bed while you’re on the air if you want. The third track is the acapella version. It is not an a cappella version, however. I’m not sure what it is. Maybe unnecessary, and I normally love remixes.

“The Guest” is the B-side. It sounds like something David Bowie would do. The problem with this is that David Bowie is 62. It’s just a little too slow but not downtempo. Like the PT Cruiser it does not belong in any one class.

Glass Slipper is the last track. This has a very nice electronic feel to it, although the synthesized voice is over, right? The music itself is fine, which is why “Nite” is such a good song. “Glass Slipper” is good for driving, but that’s about it.