Today's featured shit

You can double your pleasure and double your fun with this two-CD set. The Trolleyvox have a great name, one that makes me think of Misterogers’ Neighborhood, Ultravox and Tralala. Talk about inflated expectations.

For the most part, they are met on “Luzerne” and “Your Secret Safe.” “On the Way Down” is a sweet little number, as is the title track. I didn’t hear any references to Safeway, but it’s still a good song.

“Your Secret Safe” starts off with teacher connotations. For example, the first song is “I Call On You.” Ooh, pick me! Pick me! And the next track? “Reading.” But “It’s Not Real” is what actually gets this album going, even if the melody is the same as “Leaving on a Jet Plane.” After hearing this album six times, I am not sure whether I’ll be back again.

“Rabbit in the Sun” is much peppier, and I wish the rest of the albums sounded like this. Similar to Boyz II Men, The Trolleyvox rely too much on ballads when they should be just a tad poppier and more uptempo. Remember Superdrag? The Trolleyvox could be like them, only with a female singer.

“Anvil” has nothing to do with Warner Bros. cartoons but is a quiet piano and drums piece that should be played during a candlelit dinner, if dinner were only going to last two minutes and 53 seconds. I guess it doesn’t really matter, though, because you’re going to spend most of dinner complaining about your day anyway, so you won’t even hear the music in the background. Well, this time you can use the song as cover when you ask your mate to shut up. You can say it’s because you want to hear the music! This is much better than acknowledging that you’re sick of your mate’s shit.B

Along the lines of Potshot and Goofy’s Holiday, Emeralds is Japanese punk, but don’t expect another carbon copy of hard driving four-minute songs (although many of the songs are that long). Absent is the harmonizing characteristic of this genre. It actually has a lot more standard rock and roll to it. Sure, it has an obvious Japanese bent, but it’s not a caricature of itself. You can take them seriously!

This band was created to play at The Catalyst in Santa Cruz. I am convinced. The next time they are in the states, they should play there. The sound is perfect for that place. And then I can go to Saturn Cafe afterward.

“Kiss Me Baby” ought to drive the girls wild. It has great sass and really ought to do nothing but turn you on. It reminds me of “The Cat With Two Heads” by The Aquabats, only without horns. “All My Love for You” has the potential to become an anthem. You just want to rip your shirt off and run around wanking your guitar. Those in the industry like to call that “rock out with your cock out.”

“Hey Everybody Let’s Dance Tonight!” is fun. Who could say no to an invitation like that? If The Emeralds are smart, then all sets open with that song. It really can set the tone with its catchy chorus. B-

It has a waltz! Jump to “Empty House” and here the ONE-two-three! That’s pretty exciting. Otherwise, this reminds me of a Suddenly, Tammy! knockoff with older, more mature lyrics. Still, how often do you get to hear music with a piano but no guitar? (There is bass.)

I got to review a Leerone album before. If I recall correctly, I thought it was OK. This one is also OK. I really enjoy the music, but the parts have never added up for me. It’s a classic case of “if you like this sort of music, then you’ll like this album.” I listened to this album five times. I can’t do better than that.

“Imaginary Biographies” is 11 tracks of soulful melancholy. And as sure as Carlos Ruiz just hit his first postseason home run, there isn’t much else to say. “Rosie Lee” is kind of haunting. I wouldn’t use it as a ringtone. It’s great on a rainy day though. You should never expect to see shadows while enjoying a Leerone album. Her singing is also at its best on this track.

“Life Could Be” could be my favorite song, but it isn’t. The lyrics are not as heartfelt as others on the album, but maybe that is why it is the last song. Still, it leaves the listener wanting, even if it is for masochistic reasons. This album will grow on me, and in a year I bet I will have it memorized. C-

What a fun album! Hot Lava, who were known as “Hot Magma” when they were an underground act, delight on all levels with “Lavalogy.” This record has so much pop I want to call it “daddy.”

“Apple-Option-Fire” is a great title and a great song too. This must be what all the kids are listening to these days. It makes me want to put on my Levi’s really fast so the cute girl in the phone booth will come out and go with me. If Gym Class Heroes didn’t suck, they would sound like this. And did I mention the song has a tuba solo?

Hot Lava has no pretension in its music. “O Retorno Da Lovefoxxx” even censors itself when it is in a potty mood. “Blue Dragon” sings about porous skin, but that’s not all. The song mentions vegans and spinach in said vegans’ teeth. This could be one of the best songs of the year by anyone.

The album is so fun that by the time you get to tracks such as “JPG in the Sun” you can’t even appreciate them for what they’re worth. This is a great song, but it pales in comparison to the aforementioned tracks. The bosoms of songs on this album are heaving. A-

I couldn’t handle the Troof.

There is not a lot of cohesion between the tracks on Hawnay Troof’s “Islands of Ayle.” That doesn’t mean it sucks, but it means you have to plow through the whole album to find what you like. Not all of us have time for that. Some of us are searching on editorjobs.com trying to find work that will pay the bills and feed the cat.

Maybe it’s all the special guests that cause the variety. I can dig it. Mary Pearson (High Places) does special guest vocals on “Underneath the Ocean,” and it’s bliss. Other special guests include Jenny Hoyston (Erase Errata), Bretzel Goring (Stereo Total) and Jamie Stewart (Xiu Xiu).

“The Gods Are Crazy,” which must be a sequel to “The Gods Must Be Crazy,” is another standout track. It features special guest Carla Bozulich (Evangelista). If only her name were Heidi. Then we could all stop caring and quit. B

Only Candy Blystone gets to say “Juju” as far as I am concerned. No one ever told DJ Baba James, though. And on “The House of Good Juju” we are treated to a bunch of programmed stuff. That’s fine.

I like “Sympathy for the 4/4.” I have sympathy for it too. It’s far too structured to be something DJ Shadow would do, but fans of “Organ Donor” would enjoy this one. I would love to be on hold if this were the music playing on the line.

“Washington State” is one of those great pretentious shout out songs. Remember when G. Love and Special Sauce did that song “I-76”? It was a list of things that made Philadelphia great. Well, that is what is going on here. He sings the names of a bunch of cities in Washington, which is welcomed by me. I never knew how to pronounce “Yakima,” and now I do. Good show.

It is not clear to me why the song is called “Kitten,” but I am sure it is obvious to people that pay attention during the song. At any rate, I like it, because it is what Mario would be hearing if he touched a star and a mushroom at the same time. He’d be invincible and big together. It’s not just the Starman music. It’s got something extra. I bet Pee-Wee Herman would like this song too. B+

Whee. More Los Angeles grrl rock. Move over Go Betty Go, here comes something cheesier. Actually, come back Go Betty Go, because you’re much poppier than Civet, and that’s what I like.

Civet actually sounds more like L7 than, say, The Randies, and unlike 15 years ago, this is refreshing. There’s finally a dearth of Pennywise knockoffs, and that’s all the name dropping I am going to do in this review.

“Hell Hath No Fury” is Civet’s debut disc on Hellcat. Civet’s members are exceedingly hot, except they have entirely too many tattoos. Has their past been that traumatic that they need all that ink, or are they afraid they will be in the middle of a term paper and run out of pens? But I know. It’s an image. And it works.

I like “Son of a Bitch.” It has that L7 feel even more than the other songs, and it reminds me of my own procrastinated term papers. The college kids better be eating this shit up, or I will set them straight. This is the way we used to rock, and it’s the way that the kids ought to be rocking now.

I am partial to “1989.” It reminds me of Fabulous Disaster. (I can’t help myself.) According to the band’s promotional material, “Bad Luck,” “Gin and Tonic” and “You Don’t Know Me” have profanity, but somehow, “Son of a Bitch” and “Hell Hath No Fury” do not. Weird. B-

Indigo Girls starlet (there I said it) Amy Ray has released her third solo album, “Didn’t It Feel Kinder,” and her fans couldn’t be happier. Be sure to read the title correctly. She is not talking about copping a feel on some five year olds. Kinder, not kindergartener.

There are no real surprises here. You know what you’re getting. “Bus and Bus” has a nice midsummer sitting-on-the-front-porch sound. I also like “Stand and Deliver,” although I am not supposed to. The onesheet tells me to like “Blame Is a Killer.” It’s OK, I guess. I like “Stand and Deliver.” It makes me want to make red and blue T-shirts that read Xπ and say “Can’t We All Just Get Along?” Take that, Nortenos and Surenos. Fuck up the mirror at Red Robin, will you. I’ll show you!

“Cold Shoulder” is also a great song. It sounds vaguely familiar, and if you know more about Indigo Girls than I do (quite possible), then you will agree. You can’t really go wrong with any of these tracks. Ray knows what she’s doing, and she does it for 10 songs on this album. Similar to a meal at Aqui, it’s what you’d expect if that’s what you want. C+

If I review 100 albums for KSCU 103.3 FM, the Underground Sound, I will get to resurrect my radio career there and have my own show, which, naturally, would be called Joel’s Hit Show.

I figure I can do 10 a week. They only need a paragraph, because it has to fit on a printout on the album cover, and of course because they are CDs and not records, that’s not a lot of text.

Longer versions of the reviews will appear here in my quest to have artists send me their shit directly so I can review it here.